My thoughts on anti-depressants

After I lost my job in June of 2008 I felt down in the dumps.  I visited my family doctor and she gave me a depression test.  Of course my answers which were based on the unemployment situation put me in the status of midly depressed.  No Shit!

So I was prescribed Zoloft.  I took it as I was suppossed to and everything slowed down for me.  The world was calm, not so fast paced, I felt happier, I enjoyed life.

Occassionally I would have a panic attack, feel overwhelmed, or just need to take it slow.  Then I started having visions of hurting my children.  I knew the medication was most likely the cause of this so I stopped taking it and told my wife.  We tried to make an appointment to change my medication with a psychiatrist, but those could only be done 6 months out. 

I went to the hospital and checked myself in so that I could see the on-call/on-duty psychiatrist that way.  Heck I had a vision of hurting my children so they should take me in.

After spending a few hours there talking to nurse after nurse then finally the psychiatrist she gave me a new prescription with a different medication.  This medication wasn’t covered by insurance and being that we were already at our monetary limit I wan’t about to pay over $100 for some pills.  So I went without.

I haven’t had antidepressants in over a year now.   The world still goes by slowly.  There are no panic attacks, no overwhelming feelings, no visions, no anything.

Am I depressed?  Of course I am.  Naturally who wouldn’t be?  I’m without a job.  I’m without my family.  I miss reading to my daughter. I miss playing with my son.  I miss giving hugs and kisses and hearing them say I love you daddy.

Do I need a pill to take those feelings away?  No.  I want to miss my children.  I want to care.  I have a purpose.  I don’t want a pill to cover that up and make me feel artifically better.

I’ll feel good once I’m working.  I’ll feel even better when I speak to my children.  I’ll feel best when I hug them again.

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One Response to “My thoughts on anti-depressants”

  1. Around the blogroll St. Patrick’s day edition « DaTechguy's Blog Says:

    […] at the DaHospitalityGuy’s place he talks on a much more serious note about anti-depressants and unemployment: Am I depressed? Of course I am. Naturally who wouldn’t be? I’m without a job. I’m without my […]

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